June 4, 2018
Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018) Alden Ehrenreich, Emilia Clarke, and Donald Glover Directed By Ron Howard
What are the odds that Star Wars INC. is just a publicly traded company that will do anything to increase profits for its shareholders even if it means destroying (by over saturation and poor storytelling) one of the most beloved movie franchises in the history of cinema? Never tell me the…eh screw it. Solo (A Star Wars Story) kinda sucked (I don’t want to bury the lead here), Ron Howard (of F**king Apollo 13 and Gung Ho, two of my very favorites) sort of just showed up with half a movie already made (Lord and Miller of The Lego Movie Fame were shockingly fired after spending over a 100 million or so on stuff Disney deemed unwatchable) and he mailed the rest in. A few decent set pieces and some interesting performances could not save this shockingly inessential and frankly boring Star Wars film. I rarely go out of my way to attack a film but this film insulted me. I was always nervous that Disney was just piecing these things together after a shaky but fun Force Awakens felt choppy, then a weirdly edited Rogue One showed up only to be saved by a stellar last 15 minutes, a sloppy and bewildering The Last Jedi didn’t help, and finally the coup de gras, a sleepy, unenthusiastic Han Solo movie seals it for me, they are making this shit up in post (why they need to make 2 Stars Wars films a year is beyond my understanding, oh no wait: money). Alden Ehrenreich is no Harrison Ford but doesn’t totally stink, his character is very poorly written however (what is his motivation again? Is he a good guy? Oh ok your literally spelling it out he is a good guy, please don’t show me the dice again…smh), Donald Glover seems like his Lando is in a different movie, though he is fun to watch, Woody Harrelson and Emilia Clarke are fine, but what are their characters doing again and why do I care? I mean there are double crosses that could be interesting but are never fully embraced, there is a cool heist film in here but its chopped down to a 10 minute set piece (maybe that train robbery should’ve been the whole film), and there are some fragments of character development (Thandie Newton was great and I liked the robot revolution stuff led by L3—37 voiced by Phoebe Waller-Bridge), but nothing is allowed to breath. Disney is so cookie cutter it can’t commit to making anyone good or bad except maybe Paul Bettany who is clearly counting his star wars bucks while evil laughing his way to the bank. We hop from planet to planet so much, (similar to Rogue One) it is hard to follow why we are anywhere and for what reason. Han is seemingly a smuggler who should be a cynical jerk but this movie goes out of its way to run away from that, giving multiple moments to things I’m pretty sure Harrison Ford’s Han would never do (I mean he would crash the Falcon for sure, but give away his loot…um no). I may be grading Solo on an unfair curve but is it too much to ask to have a compelling and true to the character story ready before the cameras start rolling? Father son Lawrence and Jonathan Kasden wrote this film, but I have a feeling they were noted to death and I’d bet my Lego Millennium Falcon their script is not what this film ended up being. I wanted to like this film, I went in with an open mind, and I came out of it utterly disappointed, I took a week to see if I was being too reactionary and now I can safely say Solo is watchable for sure, but it is the first Star Wars movie you don’t have to see (not in a theater, not anywhere), and you will be fine. Skip It!
(The Shawshank Scale 1-10) I had a bad feeling about this film, for good reason. Ron Howard I love a lot of your work, but drop the IP stuff and stick with the biopics, never has the galaxy felt so far away. BTW the score was the worst ever in a Star Wars film. I give it a paltry 5.0 on the Shawshank Scale and I will list Solo as the first big disappointment of 2018.
BONUS: TOP 5 STAR WAR FILMS FOR ME:
1. Return of the Jedi
2. Empire Strikes Back
3. A New Hope
4. Revenge of the Sith
5. The Force Awakens
AND THE THREE WORST:
1. Solo: A Star Wars Story
2. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
3. The Last Jedi